How To Take A Complement
This is like those stories that you hear a hundred times because someone thinks it’s super important. Well, as a trainer to women, this is super important. This is like a Public Service Announcement about feelings, or better yet an After School Special for middle age women.
Every good story starts with “one day,” but just for shits and giggles I’m going to start this one with “Guns and Roses was blasting on the radio one Saturday morning, as a roomful of women were doing pushups.” I think that sets the stage for all things fabulous.
Woman A says to woman B, “your push ups are my goal push up.” Woman B says, “you haven’t seen my squat.” A little while later and lets just say that another Axel Rose song is playing because we have to keep things fabulous. Woman C says to woman D, “I want arms like yours (specifically her triceps).” Woman D says, “yeah but what about my stomach.”
What The Fuck, since when did women shit on themselves when complemented. These women didn’t even allow the complement to flow into their short term memory, none the less make it into the long term bank that will help shape their views of themselves, before they pushed it away with an insult. What happened between that age of about nine, when someone says “you are so good at rollerskating.” And you reply “I know, right,” and then proceed to imagine yourself in a roller skating competition, jumping into the air, doing a 180 spin and landing backwards…yes backwards.
These views of ourselves are built into our confidence and our egos. This is what we bring to the table when we have nothing but ourselves. We can build a resume about our accomplishments but what about all those wonderful things that people have to say about us. What about our strengths that we don’t see but others see in us. Isn’t there a place for that? I think there is. There is ownership in the way others see us. If we sit back and just breath in a complement, let it sit for long enough, than it can start to shape us. It can give us a new progression. Woman D has amazing arms, who gives a shit if her stomach isn’t exactly as she wants it, maybe it’s genetics, maybe it’s diet, maybe it’s child birth. But those arms deserve to be in tank tops, they are meant for summer dresses and reaching across a table to grab a crying child or a wine glass thats about to spill. They should be flaunted and purposeful, because she should know they are not only sexy, they are strong.
In class, I work people out mostly but I also have a few extra “bonus’s.” Some are nutritionally based and others are not. After that awesome Saturday morning of pushups, I came up with a bonus. “When someone complements you, say Thank you.” I would probably go a lot further and add that we should journal about how it made us feel and maybe even mediate on it. But sometimes people just want the short version…Thank You.
My hope is on those really bad days, when negativity is surrounding our minds, maybe we can conjure up something good that someone said. How different would those bad days be if we had this stock pile of compliments. Better yet, how awesome would a good day be if had them.