Be The Person You Want to be

I spent this past weekend at a fitness and business summit in Seattle.  The three day summit had an all-star line up of fitness professionals that were willing to share inspiration and wisdom from their successes and failures in the fitness industry.  As I was driving home, I was overwhelmed with information.  My mind was racing over the many different points that stuck out, trying to retain those “ah-ha” moments.  The whole trip home was a bit of a blur as I went over all the information with enthusiasm and excitement.  I got home and made some phone calls and sent out some messages, feeling great about getting the ball rolling.  I even assumed I would be writing a post this week about my experience, maybe use it as a sort of accountability to my momentum.  I was putting my feet firmly on the ground with my business, I was ready to start moving forward, organizing my plan of action.  But the reality of life isn’t usually that simple.  My business was feeling good but my relationship was off to a rough start. 

My partner in everything life, is gone for the next 10 months.  He has headed two hours east for an amazing opportunity professionally, an opportunity that he has wanted for a long time and has worked very hard to get.  As his partner, I should be nothing but supportive, I should be looking at these 10 months as an “only” time frame.  I should, I know I should.  But instead, I came home Saturday night to an empty house and just felt like shit.  I was sad and lonely.  It was the first moment when I missed him.  I just missed everything about him, I missed the friendship, I missed the family we make when we’re together, I missed the late night dancing, and more than anything I missed the physical touch of being with him.  

The parts that I miss, I have to learn to live without this year.  And frankly, I don’t want to, I want him to come home and make dinner with me.  I want him to get the coffee maker ready and slap my ass.  Instead there is a sadness, and it has been showing up in our conversations making us both feel worse.  I am allowing irrational thoughts to come to fruition in my head.  Sometimes I end up getting angry, or maybe I’m just so sad it looks like anger.  I am falling up short on everything I want to be, not for him but for myself.  Worst of all, I am making us both feel horrible about this time apart.  

So, as I dry my tears and blow my nose, I will get to my point.  The recurring theme of the summit was, “Be The Person You Want To Be.”  Yesterday, I was not the person I want to be, the day before yesterday, I was not the person I want to be.  But today I can be and tomorrow I can be.  

It is all too easy to look back in time and dissect the mistakes that we have made or use our past as a way to explain our present.  But I want to be someone that I have never had to be.  I want to be a happy voice on the other end of the phone.  I want to be excited about my days alone, with my bathroom dance parties and my late night stretches.  I want my days filled with friends and people who enrich my life.  I want my minis to see these months as a time of growth and fulfillment.  I want to create a long distance relationship that makes me feel connected to this person that is my best friend.  

After my weekend of inspiration, it is me that can make the these changes.  Monday morning I decided to start with baby steps.  I hate waking up early in the morning.  I hate getting out of bed and I regularly press snooze to avoid it for nine more minutes.  But not anymore, I am waking up, getting out of bed and putting on some music, finding myself a soundtrack for the day.  I decided to start my day out with something I love and be the person I want to be.  

I am sure these next 10 months won’t be easy.  I am sure that there will be tears shed.  I am sure that there will be lonely days and even lonelier nights.  But I am also sure that I can be the person I want to be.  Some days that person will have the strength to move mountains and other days that person might have barely enough strength to get up without pressing snooze.  But everyday it is my choice.