It’s Me, Not You
We all have bad days, and maybe today I am having one. Maybe today, this is the best I can do. Maybe today everything in life is hard, and just showing up was all I could muster. Maybe sweatpants and a hat make me feel like I can hide away in a cloud of comfort. Maybe all of this has to do with me and only me. Maybe this has nothing to do with you…maybe.
This was me earlier this week. I have been stressed out and overwhelmed. And no it is not you. It is all these different components in my life that have compounded together to leave me feeling frustrated. If you catch me walking down the street and I don’t smile or wave, it’s not you. I am probably so far in my own head, listening to a podcast or music and in some sort of a meditation that even if I make eye contact with you, I probably didn’t really see you. Or I might be on the phone with a friend or a client and violently talking with my hands, because that is what I do.
What I am realizing, I am not the only one who experiences this. When someone comes into their workout looking like they could throat punch someone, it’s probably not me. But let me quickly clarify that if someone walks out of class looking like they want to throat punch someone, it probably is me. A lot of times, just showing up was all that person could do. Sometimes, driving to the studio and walking in the door is going to be their biggest accomplishment of the day. And on that day, it should be rewarded not with everyone trying to figure out what they may have done to make that person mad. But it should be rewarded with patience and the knowledge that sometimes it’s really not about us. Because if I really want to be a good friend and a good coach, I need to learn to give that person some space. That person might just need to be lost in their own head for a little while. That person might need to put their head down and do the work and not be apart of the group for a day.
We need to give each other a break, we need to not always solve other peoples problems (this is a hard one for me) and be there to just listen. Really listen to what they have to say, not just listen to find the best time to interject our opinion or advice (again, another hard one for me). Because so often we take peoples issues upon ourselves without being asked or asking. We decide that because someone is having a bad day or week, or someone looked away or didn’t smile back, that it somehow revolves around us. But maybe if we slowed down, maybe we would see the whole picture, the whole person. If we allowed people that irritated look or annoyance in the little things, we might realize that this has absolutely nothing to do with us.
This is what I see with people who come into the studio. During classes we get to know each other but we don’t really know each other. We hear the funny stories and the sad stories, we sweat and swear together. But we don’t usually know how all of this stuff effects us individually. We each go home to our own lives and only sprinkle the classes with bits and pieces. There are nights laughing and dancing, nights fighting and crying, there is vacations that were disastrous and days in the backyard that were fantastic. With good intentions sometimes comes expectations. What happens outside of our conversations is sometimes the most important aspects and sometimes the parts that we protect the hardest. People deserve to have that protected.
As my goal to reclaim my summer, I am going to try and take my own advice on this one. If I want to be an extraordinary friend and coach, I am going to offer a smile without asking for it to be reciprocated. Put my hand out for a high five and if they don’t give one back, I’m going to turn into a friendly wave, and if they don’t wave back, I don’t care. Some days are just going to be like that. The way that we make changes isn’t by expecting other people to give us something but by giving without asking for anything in return. Because sometimes showing up was this persons best today.