Coaching Through the Hard Times
Life is really hard sometimes. I have written a bit this year about some of my own struggles but today is not so much about me, and yet it is all about me. We all have hard times and for some, the hard times keep rolling in without much of a break. As a coach I get a glimpse at some of these times. I get conversations about the struggles, I see the tears that come from loss or frustrations. I watch the anger and disappointment that accompanies the lack of control most of us have over the things that affect us most. And yet these people give themselves the gift of exercise. They take the time away from their stresses and frustrations and anger to focus on themselves.
As a coach, I get to work with all different types of athletes. And every person that walks through the studio has had some life experiences that nobody wants for themselves. We all carry these things with us and do our best to deal with them as they come. Some of these struggles happen at the forefront of our small community and some of them happen in places nobody sees. But every person has a story and inside that story is places that carry heartbreak and loss. I am honored that my athletes choose the studio as a place that they can come to escape some of those stresses.
I have been thinking a lot about this over the past few months. I have been watching athletes push themselves hard and work through pieces of their life that they have little control over. And as they do this, I find that I am proud of their ability to be present for themselves and in return have more to give to the people that need them. I am surprised at their ability to get up and show up. I am surprised at their ability to walk in the door even when it is not always the place they want to be. I am surprised at the ability for everyone to bring themselves and be themselves to the classes they attend.
As a coach it is important to remember that working through hard times is a tricky type of training. First of all, sometimes the escape people are searching for from their stresses give them an opening to workout. Unfortunately this can be a slippery slope. They can be so lost in their own stresses that they are not present for the needs of their bodies. They can also work so hard through the stress that they work harder than their body can recover. In the moment it can feel so good, it’s that hurt so good syndrome. But it really leaves the athlete susceptible to injury. There is only so much stress the body can handle. Hard times usually equate to a lot of stress When people workout, pushing themselves and their bodies hard, that also causes stress, a lot of stress. When the body has too much stress, it is likely that the athletes will get injured in the process, which them becomes another stressor. It is important to be careful working out hard during these times. It is important to check in with yourself periodically, making sure you are being safe. Because sometimes you just need to let it all out somewhere and working out might be the best and safest thing to do.
Another part of coaching through the hard times is the mental capacity to be present with your own expectations. The mind does not always give us the slack that we need. Sometimes it starts to play little games on us. As injuries set in or surgeries take recovery, the mind has expectations that we should be further along in our recovery. Our bodies start to feel better but the healing is still taking up the majority of our energy. As I near 18 months from a hip dislocation, I struggle with the idea of where I was with where I am. I cannot change the past and with that I carry an injury that is not healed. I carry the memories of what I used to be able to do with the reality of what I can do. The most important part of this is to let the past be a part of your story. I don’t need to deadlift 390lbs to be strong, even though I wish I could. I can find strengths in my training that aren’t defined by one-rep-maxes. I can find progress that is defined by something other than the amount of plates on the bar, even though sometimes I don’t want to.
The most important lesson I have learned through my time at the studio is, we all need each other. We are a web that is intricately woven together in ways that can’t easily tear us apart. Most of us have had hard times, some people know them but most don’t. The web that we create isn’t so much about our personal stories but about our relationships with the people around us. It is build on our interactions as a community and having a place to lean into when you don’t know if you can stand on your own. It is about having a place that you can trust when life seems so uncertain. It’s about high fives and self hugs. It’s what makes my job as a coach so worthwhile. I get to see the connections build and bond together, creating something bigger and better than just a studio or just an exercise class.