Absolute Shit Storm
I got sucker punched by life. And when I thought I could stand back up, life kicked my feet from underneath me and landed me flat on my ass. I have a lot to say but very little time to sit down. Every time I see a deep breath in my future, life jumps in and sucks the air out before I can reach it. Don’t worry, I will break down the lows of the past two months. I’ll lay out the frustrations and the exhaustion. But I will finish each of my defeats with the reason I keep on keeping on. Bad stuff doesn’t always happen in threes, sometimes it’s fives and sevens. Sometimes you hit the end of your rope only to find out you are still falling. The end of shit isn’t in sight. The weight of all of this can feel unbearable. But people keep picking up my scraps and giving me enough relief to keep on keeping on.
-Early this summer my landlords informed me that they wanted the space that was created for my gym to use for their own businesses. They gave me a limited time schedule to find a new space and move my entire gym and my business. To say I was hurt and upset is an understatement. As a business owner it was pretty shocking and as a friend it was just down right mean. But the troops rallied and within two weeks of getting my email, I found a new space. We moved on Friday the 13th in September. I taught my last class at the old space that morning at 6:30am. Class got out around 7:20 and by 8:30am the studio was completely empty. It was no easy task and my athletes blew my mind. The new space is almost double the size. It will be my home for at least the next five years. It is not perfect, but it is coming together one week at a time. Little things are getting done and the space is feeling more and more like my space.
-In August I took my younger to California to tour some colleges. This was by far one of the best trips I have taken. It was so nice to get time alone with him. It was nice to watch and listen to his perspectives about the schools. It was nice to eat out and just enjoy his company. The trip was pretty much perfect. And then we met my great friends for lunch before flying home. Someone broke into our rental car and stole EVERYTHING. They stole all our clothes, they stole my laptop and my iPad. They stole cash and toiletries. It was all gone. Insurance covered most of our items, we were able to piece together most of what was stolen. Except my laptop was filled with me. I write a lot, I program a lot, I work a lot. Most of that was not saved into the cloud. It has zero value to anyone else but it is priceless to me. My heart breaks for the violation of my creativity and intellectual property.
-About two weeks ago, a little ripple showed up on my kitchen floor. At first I assumed it was wear in tear on flooring that was older. A week later the ripple had turned into a bubble. The bubble spread and more kept popping up. Finally I went under the house, even though I have a complete phobia for small spaces and I am very scared of the dark. After crawling to the area of the bubbles, the sound of dripping was obvious and the ground was covered in water. A leak had to be fixed and new flooring might have to be installed.
-My adoptive shelter dog is adapting to life without trauma. He loves his family but he has high levels of fear and anxiety. This is causing a lot of obstacles and challenges. We are working through medication and training. We are working through finding the right amount of stimulation with enough quiet time. We are working at giving him the life he deserves while also trying to keep our frustrations under control. In other words, he can be very challenging.
-There has been the challenges with the move. There has been challenges with everyday stressors. There are challenges not meant for right now and challenges the creep up from the past. I am exhausted.
Ultimately this has been quite the whirlwind of chaos. Some of which I have shared and some of which I have not. But life happens and somehow we have to take whats in front of us and keep moving forward. I have thrown my fair amount of tantrums. I have had restless nights and exhausted nights. I have had meetings and phone calls and walks and drives. What can I say, my community makes it work. Every shit storm that hit, someone lessened the blow. Every tantrum I had, someone had my back, usually over a glass of wine. Every fall, every misstep, every change of plans, someone was there to help me get back up and keep going. Sometimes I wanted to stay and the bottom a little longer. Sometimes I wanted a little more pity before I got back up. But the troops rallied, they got me up and got me moving so I could be standing tall when the next blow came.
I will finish with the highlights
*I got to go on a great trip with my youngest. I realize the older he gets the less time we have together. The other night we went out to dinner and had an almost three hour dinner together. These moments are priceless. They mean so much to me and to my relationship with him.
*My older son and I continue our Real-Time Face-Time on Thursdays. He comes over to have a face to face check in with me. It has been a highlight of my weeks and keeps our relationship close. He is adulting now but I still enjoy being his mom. I love being there for him as he navigates the highs and lows and learns to live his best life.
*A close friend joined me for a Micheal Franti concert. It was everything I needed. Time with my friend, great music, positive message and a gorgeous summer night with a full moon and wine.
*Seeing Metallica live has been on my bucket list for a very long time. I got the tickets at the beginning of the year and entered September with the concert. They did not disappoint. It was an amazing show. It filled me with all the feels to see them perform. We started with pregaming with a great group of people. And the night only got better. The night was better than I had hoped for and the show blew my mind.
*I have well over 100 hours of dog walking at the Tacoma Humane Society. I love my mornings with the dogs. I love the community of walkers that show up and support each other and the pups. There are usually more than 70 dogs on the adoption floor, our time is invaluable to these dogs. But I have learned more about being present and in the moment. They force me to slow down and really listen.