Fairness
Fairness has been on my mind lately. Mainly because I hear about how unfair things are, a lot. As a parent of two boys ages 10 and 12, there seems to be a lot of unfairness in our house. I probably hear the statement, “that’s not fair,” or “it’s not fair,” no less than five times a day. I hear it when one gets to sit in the front seat and the other has to sit in the back. I hear it when one gets to choose what’s for dinner. Fuck fair. In my world with the minis, fairness is like luck, sometimes you get it and sometimes you don’t.
In my house I have come up with some great solutions. Neither child can sit in the front seat unless the other one isn’t in the car. They alternate who cleans the guinea pig cage and who gets first bath. They alternate who gets to have a friend over and who gets to choose the movie. But those tactics only work when things are predictable and we can see how each action can be evened out. And even with all the thought I put into this all day long, it still comes out unfair. From a childs perspective a lot in life isn’t fair.
Parenting has taught me so much about life. One of the hardest lessons so far is that life is truly not fair. At first, I tried to sooth the eyes of the innocence and convince myself and my littles that everything works out in the end. That maybe this specific instance isn’t fair but that the unfairness will lean in their favor equal to leaning away. But that is just not true. Some people seem to lean more in one direction. LIFE IS JUST NOT FAIR.
Here’s my questions, who ever said life would be fair. Why have I (and a lot of other people) been taught that life is and should be fair? I have spent far too much of time protecting these ideas and I am beginning to feel like I am letting down the minis. Where does hard work pay off? Where does perspective pay off? Or friendships and partners and family?
From the adult perspective, we see how life is not fair, and yet sometimes we use it as an excuse to not work hard enough. Or maybe to give up too soon. It’s true, some people get a lot of breaks in life and other people can’t seem to catch one. But it doesn’t always mean that they are happier or healthier. Fairness seems to be an equation based on a specific variable. As adults we sometimes get in the habit of comparing separate variables. If my friend works out five hours a week and I work out 8 hours a week but my friend weighs less than me, am I comparing the same variables? Well I am comparing a identical variable, but I am not looking at all the other variables in the equation.
Lets set it aside and forget about what other people have. What about setting realistic goals and working really hard to crush them? What if we were to take control of what we can and push ourselves to be a better version of who we are. Fitness goals are great. First of all they can range from “going to class three days a week,” to “setting new PR’s.” Second, when given a support system, they can help us stick with our goals and ride out the plateaus. But goals that support our fitness are also important, “sleep at least eight hours a night,” “get outside for at least an hour a day.” And then we still might need some nutrition goals. Maybe we need to eat at least 100 grams of protein a day, drink at least 60 ounces of water, have veggies at every meal. Goal setting takes time and reflection. We have to be honest with ourselves and our lifestyles. It doesn’t do us any good to compare our goals to other people, but to look towards other people for support and encouragement.
If we can start taking control of the things that are holding us back, we might see that fairness doesn’t even matter. We might realize that accomplishing goals makes us feel good about ourselves. When those goals are based around fitness and nutrition we might find that what seemed unfair before is no longer something we even think about.
One of favorite sayings or proverbs, which I can never quiet say right but I’m hoping I can get my point across. -If everyone in a room were to put their problems in a hat, and pass the hat around, you will hope that you pull your own problems out. You never know what someone else’s problems look like.-
Here is a quick guideline to setting goals.
#1 Be specific
#2 Have a Timeline
#3 Have a form of measurement
#4 Be realistic
#5 Have accountability (telling someone/writing it down)