Fear of Failure
Failure floats around like a bad word. We put so much negativity into the word, failing a test, feeling like a failure, a failing relationship. But does failure really deserve the bad rap it seems to get? First of all, a lot of stories that ended in failure usually make for a good laugh afterwards. But more importantly, most of our biggest lessons come from our failures, not our successes.
Here is my training opinion for the week, Fail. Allow yourself to give it all with the knowledge that you may not succeed. I mean really that is what failure is, at least the way I look at it. In my opinion failure doesn't come from not trying, that is what I would call “not trying,” or “giving up.” But failure comes when you commit to something and your goal is to succeed and after trying and giving it your all you somehow don’t succeed. The reason why I like my version, it gives positivity to failing. If I fail, I either know I just can’t do it, or I know that I am missing something. I might be missing knowledge, or strength,or a tool that will help me learn to succeed in the long run.
In the studio, I try to get people to understand the benefits of failure. When we “fail” in our workouts, it can mean a few different things. I can be deadlifting a one rep max and fail, meaning I don’t complete the lift. I can do push ups until I hit a technical failure, meaning that when my technique starts to falter, I am failing. Or I can work until failure, which means if I am squatting, I would keep squatting until I just can’t squat anymore. Now none of these failures are fun, but they are all going to help me get stronger.
But there is also the embarrassing failures, the ones when you try something with full commitment, maybe it’s something new and maybe it’s something you haven't tried in a long time. And you just fail. It can be hard to fail, it can be especially hard to fail in front of a bunch of people. But if we look at failure with a positive mind, it is actually pretty cool. I love watching people step outside their comfort zones and enter a space they have never been before. That, in and of itself, is awesome. If we are always succeeding, how do we know we are really pushing ourselves. We have to be uncomfortable and not know the outcome to fully challenge ourselves. The studio is a safe place to fail. Most of the people I get to work with build trust in the space and the people around them to really push themselves outside of their comfort zones. And when those people succeed…the glory and pride they have is priceless.
For my own training, I fail a lot. I love to try new things. But more importantly I love to take myself to a place I don’t know if I can really go. When I am trying to hit a one rep max or I am trying something new, I am vulnerable and humbled. Sometimes I succeed on my first time, but most of the time I do not. I struggle and I give my everything and I play the most perfect song and I get all amped up. Sometimes I am not strong enough, sometimes I am not coordinated enough and other times it is a combination of both. And when failure hits, sometimes I might throw a tantrum or I might shrug it off, but most of the time I readjust my mind and my goals and try again.
Training has helped me understand the importance of failure in life. I have had lots of failures and it is usually at those lowest of low points that I strive to be better. All the times I succeed remind me what I am doing right, but it only reinforces the person I am. Sometimes I need failure to help reevaluate that person and change. I have learned so much about the person I am becoming from those rock bottom moments. I might not enjoy them in the moment, but I am learning to embrace my failures.
The positive side of failure comes in hindsight, after we have seen the failure lurking around the darkest of corners. It comes after we have given our all and realized we just couldn’t accomplish it. But what would happen if failure was our goal? It would be interesting to see what would happen if we allowed ourselves a little more failures. Maybe we’d get a good story out of it or maybe we’d get mad and throw a tantrum. OR, maybe we’d find that we could do more and be more but we just needed to fail to get back up and realize our potential. We fear the moment of failure and yet try to find ways to laugh it off in the long run. Maybe life is the same way.