The Bathroom Scale
The bathroom scale, the little thing that sits on the floor staring at you every time you go to take a shower or brush your teeth. The thing that invites you to stand on it, so innocently, only to pop up numbers that are almost never what you want to see. The thing that tells you, all too honestly, if you are gaining weight or losing weight. This stupid little thing can change the way we see ourselves. One moment, that moment the numbers settle in, can change the confidence we have in ourselves, it can change the attitude we have towards ourselves and it can change the relationships around us. And most of the time, these changes aren’t for the better. That little thing is such a shitty judgement of who we really are.
A lot of what I write about has to do with loving yourself from the inside out. And this isn’t going to be much different. I am not going to make you read to the end to figure that out. But it is something that most of us need to hear over and over again. It is something that hopefully people can grab at some teeny tiny piece to realize true happiness doesn’t come from a number on the scale or the way your pants fit. It doesn’t come from hours in the gym and avoiding social situations. And it sure as hell doesn’t come from eliminating wine and chocolate. I can’t tell you exactly where true happiness comes from, because I don’t have the answers to that one. But it is a journey that I am traveling and honestly sometimes I get lost. What I can say is that my happiest moments are staying up past midnight with a friend, pretending to watch a movie while we talk about everything. It comes from traveling to new places near and far and experiencing the world outside my little town. It comes from meeting new people and drinking good beer. It comes from dance parties with my minis and Wednesday night movie nights. The times I am happiest, have nothing to do with my time in the gym or how “on point” my diet is. It comes from conversation and relationships. It comes from laughing until I cry. It comes from from deep inside me where I am truly me. And that stupid scale is not going to take that away.
YOU, ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN A NUMBER ON THE SCALE
Now that you get my tangent, what about that scale. Lets be honest. You probably don’t give a fuck what I just wrote. The next time you get on the scale, weather it be today or tomorrow or your next doctors visit, that number will stick with you. It will probably cause your head to drop a little, your shoulders to slump. It will probably make you feel like your pants are too tight and your stomach is too fat. I say that, not from my place over the hill in the world of true happiness, but because I am no better than the next person. Last week I stepped on the scale and as the numbers settled in and I exhaled, I felt my attitude shift. I walked into the bathroom standing tall and feeling like I was looking pretty good. And after looking at those numbers, I looked in the mirror and saw a totally different person. I spent the next few days looking at my reflection with disappointment and regret. It took some serious self talk to remind myself that the number was there weather or not I stepped on the scale.
What I want you to hold onto is…FUCK THE SCALE.
After my tantrum, I ran through my past few months. I travelled a ton, I’ve hiked more in the Olympic Mountains the past few months than I have in the past 10 years, and I got to do it with my minis. I have had really fun nights with friends, staying up way past my bedtime. I’ve had some of the best training days in the studio. And I’ve come closest to finding myself than ever before. None of that stuff is defined by a number on the scale. None of it.
But the scale is an important gauge of our progress. It is important for me to see that number to know where my body is today. I can accept that number and move forward. I can stand tall and fix some little things in my diet that I know are bringing me into a surplus of calories. And honestly, it wasn’t a big surprise. I’ve had an amazing few months. I’ve experienced so much life and love and friendship. I’ve said yes to opportunities and jumped in with both my feet. I’m not saying that is an excuse or a reason, but it is part of the confidence in who I am outside of the scale. It is what I want people to see when they look at me. But I have some work to do, I don’t want to buy a new wardrobe and I know my body functions better about 5lbs ago (ok, maybe 10lbs). I know that no matter how much I self talk, I still want to lose those pounds, I still want to feel confident from the inside out.
My advice, check the scale and move forward. Know where you are and own that person. If you are unhappy with that number, make some small changes to create habits that can get you through the next phases of life. But remember, you are more than that number. Give the people around you the person you want to be, not the person you think you should be. Look at that number and then look in the mirror. That person looking back at you is one bad ass person and remember all the things that she does for you, every single day.