Change
Change is brewing. Things are evolving and adapting. 2020 is off to a running start and another birthday was celebrated. Life is moving fast and time doesn’t know how to stand still. I want to be excited about all of it. I want to embrace all that is new and all that is becoming. But honestly, I am struggling. I am a creature of habit and things that are different are a bit scary for me. Even things like a schedule change, or a shift in my daily activities, these are things I have to be good at because of my job. But it doesn’t mean I like it. I like consistency, no I LOVE consistency. I don’t need each day to look the same but I like sure as hell like most of my Mondays to look pretty identical. These shifts and changes, they are parts that I have learned to move with, not because I like them but because that is how life is. But change is happening all around us. As I look ahead, I see new possibilities and new prospects. And it’s time to explore, it’s time to embrace and it’s time to see what changes look like when dive in.
For the past few years, I have come up with a word, a mantra, a purpose, to carry me into the year ahead. I find something to put me in motion, something to bring clarity through both the amazing times and the hard times. This year, as I was walking through the woods, my word came to me. Explore. There isn’t a specific definition. In each moment I can use a definition that works best for me. I don’t have to put the word to use every day, but I do try to make my world focus on that word. I find myself turning moments of uncertainty into moments of reflection. My word of the year is explore, it is important that I lead with that. How can I explore this situation? How can I explore my reaction? How can I explore who I am? I can explore love, I can explore motherhood, I can explore my business. I can explore it all as it evolves. Yet I still find myself struggling to find the power in adapting and evolving. And exploring usually takes me outside of my comfort zone. And as a creature of habit, being outside my comfort zone isn’t always a welcoming event. Unless of course I am outside of my day-to-day activities on a mini vacation, then I’m all about exploring new things and seeing new things. This year is going to put me at the center of my exploration. I am ready, even if I need a life vest to get in the kiddie pool.
In February, I officially became the mother of two teenagers. The minis are now 15 and 13. I love the humans they are. I love their personalities and their uniquenesses. But my heart breaks as the snuggles on the couch disappear and the hand holding is long gone. I look ahead and see two individual people creating a world of independence. The distance is inevitable but not embraced. I wasn’t prepared for this part of parenting. I looked forward to the times I wouldn’t need a babysitter. Or the times I didn’t have to travel with a bag filled with entertainment. But I wasn’t prepared for them choosing their friends over me. I wasn’t prepared for whispering and secrets. Change happened quickly and my time with them is becoming a precious commodity.
This year I set out with some goals. My goal is to write in my journal daily. Put in some shoulder and hip rehab a few times a week. And be on social media less. I also set some pretty monumental goals. I want to deadlift 370lbs again. I want to squat 225lb easily, even on the worst days. And in the process of that, get strong as fuck. I am making my way through my goals, some days successfully and some days not so much. I am working on this evolution of the person that is going to be looking back at me in the mirror in three months, or nine months from now. Setting the goals was easy, but trying to adjust my habits and adjust my mind set is so much harder.
As I start to work through my goals and my life adapts and adjusts, I feel a shifting happening. I feel space opening up and ideas coming forward. I am exploring ways to be a better coach, ways to help other people, ways to make myself work harder. I am exploring what it means to raise teenage boys and what it means to have a relationship. I am exploring what life can be when I trust my instincts and embrace what lies ahead. I am ready to plant my feet and start climbing high. One step at a time.