Quarantine Life
I want normal! All those stresses and complaints I had the beginning of March, I want them. The trips planned, the adventures with friends, the summer excursions, I want them. All the fights I had and wanted to have, I want those too. My list could go on and on, because I miss normal every single day. This world of instability and unpredictability just isn’t working for me. The weeks are ticking by and each week brings more restrictions, more regulations. What I would give to live the world I had. What unwanted perspective I have on what really matters. I never felt so alone and yet in such need of alone time. And so here I am, living one moment at a time and planning no farther than tomorrow.
But we are doing it. Together we are living through a Pandemic. All of us. And almost everyone I know is doing their part. They are sacrificing jobs and education. They are sacrificing social interactions and physical contact. They are sacrificing normal. I have started each day these past few weeks with what I am thankful for. Honestly some days are stained with tears, but most days I can come up with a pretty amazing list. I am thankful for the chaos two teenagers bring to my daily life. I am thankful for zoom teacher meetings. I am thankful for my bestie who answers the phone every time I call, and also makes my mistakes seem small and meaningless. I am thankful I have a gym that I can workout in, even if I have to do it alone every time. I am thankful for my amazing clients who are training with FaceTime. And my classes who are showing up for living room Zoom classes. But most importantly and all encompassing, I am thankful for my community.
I am so lucky to have the community I have. The people that bring smiles every Monday Wednesday and Friday to the screens of our computers. The sweet texts and emails I get. I love the people I have the opportunity to be around every day. I finish the zoom classes smiling, because for one hour I get to escape the world around me and spend it with people I want to be with. These times are not easy. There is a weight that I feel every day. I feel like my whole body and head are under my blankets. That feeling when you can’t quite breath clear and think straight. When the weight of the blankets is more annoying than comforting. And I am just looking at every little tiny sliver of hope for the day the blanket gets pulled back and I get to take that first weightless breath.
Surviving during these times looks a lot different than it has in the past. My day to day life is different. I am homeschooling two teenagers. Trying to find curriculum and sanity throughout the days. We have been creative and finding fun ways to make curriculum. On the good days, during the good moments, we are nailing our school work and enjoying our time together, playing board games and watching a lot Netflix. And on the bad days or bad moments, we jump too quickly into a fight or get annoyed before the other person has even entered the room. We are frustrated and learning how to empathize and negotiate with each other. We are giving up on some of the things that meant a lot to us and learning to take what’s in front of us. Little things become big things and big things become little things. I don’t think the boys will ever complain about going to school, Ever.
For me, I am flailing to figure out how to structure my days and how to organize my life, when there really isn’t much to organize. This is what I remind myself. First, take care of yourself. You’ve heard it before, you can’t take care of other people if you can’t take care of yourself. Next, smile. Hand out smiles like you never have. All of us are unsettled. All of us are unsure of what tomorrow will bring or what the world will be like when this is all over. So smile because everyone needs it right now. Connect with your community and connect with them in any way you can. Have FaceTime girls nights. Play video games with someone far away. Call people you don’t talk to very often. Just make connections where you can, we are all in need of it right now.
And lastly, remember that this will end. We might not know what to expect but I will tell you what I am going to do. I will be handing out high fives like nobodies business. I am going to hug my friends and family and hold that hug a little longer than expected. I am going to celebrate the first sleep over, the first day back at school, the first weekend in Seattle like it is a moment for fireworks. And then, I am going to throw a dance party. We will celebrate our survival with glow sticks and champagne, techno and charcuterie, laughing and cartwheels. Until then we can take it one moment at a time. Stay Safe, Stay Sane, Stay Healthy.