Baby Steps
The days are slipping away and the end of the week arrives faster than expected. I would normally embrace the weekends, but it just seems like the months are finishing before I had time to enjoy them. With the pace moving rapidly and all the chaos overwhelming me, I took some much needed time away and time alone last month. I took my annual solo trip and holed myself up in a hotel for a weekend with hopes of figuring out all of life’s complications and problems. I wanted to feel reenergized with work and ready to tackle all things business.
The weekend was amazing. I had a view of Mt. Rainer. I was close enough to home that everything felt familiar and yet far enough away that Yelp was my guide for food. I spent Friday evening in my pajamas enjoying a lot of nothing, except for take out and wine. Once Saturday came, the weekend was all about moving slowly and thinking quickly. My time was filled up with notecards and journals. My time was spent brainstorming and reflecting. My time was spent prioritizing and mapping out. I tried to give myself no immediate expectations but some clear follow throughs.
I take this trip every year. I take a stack of notecards and use each one to write everything my world could ever want. Some are specific, some are general. Some are material but most are idea based. I use my time to think and compile, I write and formulate. It is a great way to allow my thoughts to go to fruition without distractions or boundaries. This is my time for self reflection and prioritization. It is also a time to enjoy being with myself. I get to eat out alone and walk alone. I get to have no appointments or to do lists. I get to be present in the moment and let time be flexible.
Unlike pervious years, I looked down at my pile of notecards and they carried a weight that I couldn’t seem to lift. The materialistic ones seemed stupid and not worth my time. I threw them out as fast as I wrote them down. I spent little time worrying about the things I could change with a quick decision or a quick purchase. My pile shrunk quickly and 60 notecards soon become 20. But what was left was not easy. The cards scattered around the floor were big ideas and grand schemes. Each one was bigger than the next and all of them were overwhelming and exhausting. I had to take some deep breaths and some dance breaks. But I put my head down and filled them out. I started with why I wanted it, what I had to do to get it, and then why I hadn’t done it yet. I was putting words on the notecards, but wasn’t feeling like I was figuring out much. Even as the weekend came to a close, I felt as though I had let myself down. My cards were written but there was still the question of “where do I start?”
As I reemerged from my hotel room and reentered life, I realized that it’s not about the leaps and bounds I was hoping to make, its about all the little steps I need to take to get there. Sure the giant steps look good, they give greater accomplishments but it’s the little steps that get us where we need to go and grow. Life isn’t really about the easiest path. Our roads ahead are usually not paved nor are they straight.
This year, my notecards are far from complete. I set aside the goal of accomplishing baby steps along the way. I have a few week to week goals and a few month to month goals. My biggest goal is to stay accountable to myself and work through the little places. Even though I have big ideas and wishes for tomorrow, they aren’t going to get me anywhere if I never get the ball rolling.
When we take little steps we don’t notice the mountains we have climbed, we don’t notice the amount of ruts in the road or the rocks to move around. My goal coming out of my solo weekend was not to focus on the big things or conquer what I haven’t quite learned is there. But to put my head in the game and just take baby steps. And I haven’t put the cards away. There is still a lot left for me to look at and look through.