Alone Time
September was the beginning of the school year and the beginning of fall. The weather stayed warm and the sun was in full view. It felt like we got some structure of our schedules and the transitions are settling in with new ones on the horizon. Soon it will be the holiday season and the dark, cold days winter. As we get to hold onto our extended summer and ease our way into the hibernation, our mental health is in need of some investing. One that is worth both the cost and the time. We all seem to be running harder and faster, reaching farther and higher, and stretching ourselves in every direction with little time for ourselves.
September brought me my fifth annual solo trip. A time and a place where I hide out for two nights in a hotel. I don’t use my phone, I don’t meet up with people and I stay off of social media. During this time, I do a lot of reading, a lot of writing, a lot of walking and I do it all completely alone. And for this extravert, that is the biggest challenge and it is also a much needed mental break from everything life.
As I sat in the middle of the floor in my hotel room, the pieces of my life literally spilling all over the floor. I was both thankful and overwhelmed for the life I get to live. The unstructured time brought both calm and chaos into clear focus. At times I felt completely overwhelmed, while other times I felt quiet and relaxed. Every year this time is spent at a different pace and with different expectations. And no matter how much I plan ahead I always end up with so many different ideas.
A few years ago I was given a recipe for this time alone. A good friend of mine sent me the idea as something they had done. My first year I went to Santa Cruz. I realized that it was my first time traveling completely alone. I didn’t have kids or a partner to travel with. I wasn’t on my way to meet up with friends or go to a conference. It was the best gift I ever gave myself and the best investment for my mental health and happiness. That first year was more structured and focused. It included note cards and questions. It included journaling and planning. But it also included leaving my devices and embracing emptiness that is hard to find in our daily lives.
It is amazing to me how hard it is to be alone. We forget how many interactions we have on an hourly basis with work and family and friends. I actually find I have to fight against the urge to call someone during this time. Or I find myself wanting to make plans or check in. Being alone makes me uncomfortable. So this year, I added a little relief from the structure and gave myself permission to just be alone. I came out of my time away feeling less productive than previous years, even though I read an entire book and got a full 8 hours of sleep a night. But as the days started to pass, and the to do lists started to find their way back to the forefront, I realized the quiet I gave myself brought me a lot more clarity than years past. I really needed that time to relax and think. I needed time to let things go and let things in. And even though this year didn’t bring about amazing accomplishments, it did bring out big parts of my future.
It is easy to fill our times with to do lists and obligations. Even working out can become part of that. But health isn’t just in how we eat or what we do with our bodies. Health is also taking care of our minds and our mental health. Over everything else, this needs to be a priority in self care. Somehow we tell ourselves that we are too busy. We tell ourselves that we could never afford that luxury. But those views are wrong and not at all what this is about. This is a time when I grow from within. I learn a lot about myself and what I want for my time. I have no one else to process these thoughts with. And with that lies a vulnerability that gets at the core of our honest selves.
Our mental health has taken a toll these past few years. And it is easy to set goals that revolve around doing more. We can try and make it to gym three times a week. We can eat more vegetables. We can walk more, drink less. But more times than not, we neglect the person we are. We push aside our mental calm and clarity for tasks and obligations. I find that taking time for ourselves is such a critical piece of life and something that we easily neglect. There will always be a place for workouts and time with friends. But time truly alone is hard to come by. It is hard to find justification to just do it. Taking some time to be alone and away from all the predictable day to day structures is not easy. But it can allow for more productivity and some appreciate for the moments or the memories that surround us.