A Reset for the Fall
The summer is coming to an end. The transition to fall is approaching. The kids are back to school. The rain coats are making an appearance. The mornings are crisp and the warmth is unpredictable. I don’t mind the transitions from season to season, but I find that I become impatient for what lies ahead. I look at each week, each month, and start filling my calendar with little pieces of sanity to pad the transitions. I wish myself to the next trip or the next break. I wish for the weekend only to find the weeks are going by way too fast.
Trying to take a breath this time of year seems fleeting. I wish for calm and yet I create chaos. I want sleep and the first thing I do is get to the Humane Society every weekend morning. I want to sit in my back yard with a fire and yet I book my evenings up with book clubs and girls nights. This push and pull in slowing down and never having enough time is quiet laughable. Because the honest truth is, I don’t have to do any of it. I can just stop all of it. I can be as quiet as I want. I could spend my weekends in bed. I could stay in. I can empty my calendar. I just don’t want to.
The other day I was feeling overwhelmed with the transitions of being two places. I have my home town where my closest friends live, where my work is and of course my older son and parents are too. Then I have my home home, where I have a house I love. Where I have my dogs to snuggle with and my partner who makes it all feel perfect. The two places are opposites and complementary. They are a balance between sweet small town and accessible little city. Even with my love of both places, being neither here nor there creates a feeling of ungrounding.
On one of those early Monday morning drives back to Port Townsend, 4:45am to be exact. I wasn’t wanting any of it. I wanted back in bed and I wanted an empty planner with a day of absolutely nothing. So my completely logical brain went to work. I started thinking, I could do exactly that. I could just stop doing the commute and live in Tacoma. I could close up my business and walk away. That thought made me laugh, there is no part of me that would want that. I love my job. I love the gym I have and the space I get to be in every day. I love my athletes. I love the community I have inside my gym. But I also love going to a friends house with a bottle of wine and spending the evening on the couch talking. I love walking downtown and randomly running into people. I love the quietness and the connections. The commute isn’t always easy, but it is a very small price to pay for all of the above.
It was such a good reset. A moment to know that this is a choice I am making and I kinda have an amazing life. It wasn’t about making the decision, it was about giving myself the choice and the option to do it. It was a reminder of the power I have in the decisions I am making. Life isn’t always happening to me. I am in control of a lot more than I think. It is good for me to see things from a place of excitement and refresh, and remind myself that the early morning commute is only once a week. I don’t need to dread the little things that create so much comfort and satisfaction.
I really love the worlds I get to split up. I think its important to enjoy this time and space. I am not one who veers towards quiet and calm. I like some spice and some chaos. This is a small price to pay for a business I get create. I will always be a bit impatient with not knowing where life is going to take me. I will always fantasize about a life I don’t have and wish for. Right now, it is a small farm filled with dogs and donkeys and maybe a few pigs. Next month it might be a beach house on the California Coast. All of this is my way of grounding myself into the here and now. Knowing that I am choosing the life I have.
For this transitional season, I am going to embrace the chaos that makes life more fun and more stressful. I will get up early on Monday mornings and love the job I have, love the athletes I get to work with. I will wake up early on my weekends to walk into the shelter and see all the puppies waiting for their turn out outside for fresh air and snuggles. I will continue to have girls nights and book clubs. Between all of that I will enjoy my life…Because it’s pretty perfect.