Washington State finally opened up. One day we were living under restrictions and regulations and the next day we were given little more than suggestions and recommendations. To say it is confusing is an understatement. As a human, I am loving it. I love being able to freely congregate with friends. I love listening to live music and meeting new people. But as a small business owner, I am feeling overwhelmed at a time I thought I would feel relieved. I am feeling distracted when I thought I would feel motivated. Businesses were given no guidelines, we were given no warnings. We just opened one day. No more masks, no more rules and all the freedom we choose to have.

June started off with adventure. After being locked in and isolated for the past year, I got the opportunity to spread my wings and take flight. I got the opportunity to experience people and places. I got the opportunity to reconnect with past relationships and create new ones. This month is only half over and I feel so full of people and conversations. I have hugged and laughed. I have golfed in 110 degree weather and looked at Denali on a clear midnight sky. Even though I need a vacation from my vacation, the time away filled me up with experiences and connections that I forgot how much I needed. We have all had our heads weighed down this past year. We have all “poded” up with our few chosen people. We have all sacrificed parts of our sanity. And now we get to remember what it’s like to squeeze your best friend on their birthday or smile at a stranger who soon becomes a friend.

Spring is in the air. The days are getting longer, the flowers are blooming and the sun is shining, at least for today. We have made it through the winter and as we are beginning to shed our layers we may notice a few extra dimples in our thighs and a little more body in our middles. Suddenly our sweatpants and coffee stained shirts can’t be hidden in the zooms or given the excuse of a quick errand. Believe it or not, we are getting out. We get to meet with friends and family members. We get to celebrate graduations and have dinners. And where you might argue that sweats are still appropriate, I am going to encourage you to put them away at least for the next few months.

This past year has taken us all on a rollercoaster. We’ve had some steep climbs and some stomach dropping downs. We’ve zoomed our girls nights and froze our asses off for holiday get togethers. Each of us has celebrated a Covid Birthday and most of us have canceled life events. The year has felt like a lifetime and yet the weeks just seem to turn and time isn’t slowing down. The vaccines are out in distribution and there might just be light at the end of this tunnel. Even if the tunnel seems a bit fogged in at the moment.

The season of love is upon us. The chocolates are lining the grocery store aisles and the conversation hearts are ready to be opened. The wine isle doesn’t seem long enough and 5 o’clock can’t come soon enough. It’s that time of year where we can take out our heart printed sweatpants and sweatshirts that make us feel cozy and warm. It’s that time when Mariah Carey is always a good choice and we have excuses to give hugs and kisses to our minis. Especially this year, when we have spent most of it isolated and zoomed. A year where our birthdays and holidays have been deprived of normalcy and festivities. A year our patience has been tested and all of us are over this whole homeschool thing. And the lead up to the Valentines Day weekend was working out in 29 degree weather and trying not complain because for some reason that seems better than working out alone in your living room.

A new year is upon us. We can take a deep breath and hope that we don’t ever have to live another year like that one EVER again. Most of us are struggling to keep our heads above water. We are walking into the new year, looking back at our holidays and wondering, “was that it?” Most of us tried to find tradition in the untraditional but it really wasn’t there. And as the year came to an end, our ability to say no to that extra glass or three of wine became a struggle. And when we bought a box of chocolates as a present and opened it on the drive home, finishing it before we got home…well fuck this year. So now we are dealing with those extra pounds which we can now call the Covid-19, let’s only hope it’s as easy to lose them as it was to gain them.

The holidays are in full swing. The lights are being hung and the trees are being decorated. Cookies are being made and wine is being drunk. This is the time of year where we pull ourselves in all different directions in hopes that we can create a magical season of Hallmark proportions. This is a season when having too many obligations is the norm and being busy makes the weeks fly by. And yet this year, we sit at home with an empty calendar and little motivation to get the holiday season cheerful. No matter how hard we try, the season is just going to come and go with little more than zoom dates and over indulgences. So instead of writing about the silver linings or the hopes of a brighter future, I am going to take a turn away from the holidays and just be a little honest.

This should be interesting. Our holiday season is fast approaching. The anxieties are building and the uncertainty is upon us. This is a season of wants and wishes that no letter to Santa can grant. Our hopes and dreams won’t come from being on the good list or being on the naughty list. We are living through this world of chaos and every day brings new challenges and new appreciations. But seriously, how in the world are we going to make it through the holiday season? How are we going to take in the holiday cheer without the carolers and Christmas parties.

I’m over it, all of it. The world is upside down and most of the time it is hard to stay grounded and level headed when the path ahead is just a cliff with the unknown and unexpected below. I suggest we all just say fuck it. I want to flush all of my expectations and predictions down the drain and a throw the middle finger at them. I need a restart to everything. I need a do over or better yet a replay. Unfortunately, those aren’t our choices or our realities right now. We are left staring down the cliff, questioning if we should jump or just stand there admiring the view.

Perfection is over rated. Perfection is something that sits on the shelf with the dinnerware you got as a wedding gift but never use. We can see it, we can feel it, but we only take it out on special occasions when we want to impress other people. But we don’t need to save perfection for anything. Lets throw it out. Lets take perfection and shatter it on the floor, watching each letter fall apart and disappear.