A few months ago, it really felt like the world was going to open. We saw friendly faces in the grocery store. We hugged our friends and shook hands with acquaintances. We had gatherings with people we barely knew and started planning travels to new and foreign places. But all that halted. We are suddenly and expectantly frozen in time. The unknown is more of a constant than a temporary. We lack expertise in most things pandemic related, yet we are bombarded with facts and options that usually melt together into confusion and fiction. We thought we had seen the worst of it, and yet we are living in the erratic world that is our present.

The days are slipping away and the end of the week arrives faster than expected. I would normally embrace the weekends, but it just seems like the months are finishing before I had time to enjoy them. With the pace moving rapidly and all the chaos overwhelming me, I took some much needed time away and time alone last month. I took my annual solo trip and holed myself up in a hotel for a weekend with hopes of figuring out all of life’s complications and problems. I wanted to feel reenergized with work and ready to tackle all things business.

Washington State finally opened up. One day we were living under restrictions and regulations and the next day we were given little more than suggestions and recommendations. To say it is confusing is an understatement. As a human, I am loving it. I love being able to freely congregate with friends. I love listening to live music and meeting new people. But as a small business owner, I am feeling overwhelmed at a time I thought I would feel relieved. I am feeling distracted when I thought I would feel motivated. Businesses were given no guidelines, we were given no warnings. We just opened one day. No more masks, no more rules and all the freedom we choose to have.

June started off with adventure. After being locked in and isolated for the past year, I got the opportunity to spread my wings and take flight. I got the opportunity to experience people and places. I got the opportunity to reconnect with past relationships and create new ones. This month is only half over and I feel so full of people and conversations. I have hugged and laughed. I have golfed in 110 degree weather and looked at Denali on a clear midnight sky. Even though I need a vacation from my vacation, the time away filled me up with experiences and connections that I forgot how much I needed. We have all had our heads weighed down this past year. We have all “poded” up with our few chosen people. We have all sacrificed parts of our sanity. And now we get to remember what it’s like to squeeze your best friend on their birthday or smile at a stranger who soon becomes a friend.

Spring is in the air. The days are getting longer, the flowers are blooming and the sun is shining, at least for today. We have made it through the winter and as we are beginning to shed our layers we may notice a few extra dimples in our thighs and a little more body in our middles. Suddenly our sweatpants and coffee stained shirts can’t be hidden in the zooms or given the excuse of a quick errand. Believe it or not, we are getting out. We get to meet with friends and family members. We get to celebrate graduations and have dinners. And where you might argue that sweats are still appropriate, I am going to encourage you to put them away at least for the next few months.

This past year has taken us all on a rollercoaster. We’ve had some steep climbs and some stomach dropping downs. We’ve zoomed our girls nights and froze our asses off for holiday get togethers. Each of us has celebrated a Covid Birthday and most of us have canceled life events. The year has felt like a lifetime and yet the weeks just seem to turn and time isn’t slowing down. The vaccines are out in distribution and there might just be light at the end of this tunnel. Even if the tunnel seems a bit fogged in at the moment.

The season of love is upon us. The chocolates are lining the grocery store aisles and the conversation hearts are ready to be opened. The wine isle doesn’t seem long enough and 5 o’clock can’t come soon enough. It’s that time of year where we can take out our heart printed sweatpants and sweatshirts that make us feel cozy and warm. It’s that time when Mariah Carey is always a good choice and we have excuses to give hugs and kisses to our minis. Especially this year, when we have spent most of it isolated and zoomed. A year where our birthdays and holidays have been deprived of normalcy and festivities. A year our patience has been tested and all of us are over this whole homeschool thing. And the lead up to the Valentines Day weekend was working out in 29 degree weather and trying not complain because for some reason that seems better than working out alone in your living room.

A new year is upon us. We can take a deep breath and hope that we don’t ever have to live another year like that one EVER again. Most of us are struggling to keep our heads above water. We are walking into the new year, looking back at our holidays and wondering, “was that it?” Most of us tried to find tradition in the untraditional but it really wasn’t there. And as the year came to an end, our ability to say no to that extra glass or three of wine became a struggle. And when we bought a box of chocolates as a present and opened it on the drive home, finishing it before we got home…well fuck this year. So now we are dealing with those extra pounds which we can now call the Covid-19, let’s only hope it’s as easy to lose them as it was to gain them.

The holidays are in full swing. The lights are being hung and the trees are being decorated. Cookies are being made and wine is being drunk. This is the time of year where we pull ourselves in all different directions in hopes that we can create a magical season of Hallmark proportions. This is a season when having too many obligations is the norm and being busy makes the weeks fly by. And yet this year, we sit at home with an empty calendar and little motivation to get the holiday season cheerful. No matter how hard we try, the season is just going to come and go with little more than zoom dates and over indulgences. So instead of writing about the silver linings or the hopes of a brighter future, I am going to take a turn away from the holidays and just be a little honest.

This should be interesting. Our holiday season is fast approaching. The anxieties are building and the uncertainty is upon us. This is a season of wants and wishes that no letter to Santa can grant. Our hopes and dreams won’t come from being on the good list or being on the naughty list. We are living through this world of chaos and every day brings new challenges and new appreciations. But seriously, how in the world are we going to make it through the holiday season? How are we going to take in the holiday cheer without the carolers and Christmas parties.